a pilgrim's life

this post has been a while coming and i'm not sure if i've got my mind around the subject enough to write a post about it, but here i am sitting here typing it out. 
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for years i have been blessed to have great teaching on God, the Christian life, and contentment. when i would hear these teachings my brain would immediately engage and assent to these truths. i've spoken them to myself, tried to live them, i've even encouraged and taught others with them. but why then is life so difficult? why do i constantly struggle and wish for things i do not have or be overcome with comparison to others and doubt God's goodness? 

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i have come to realize something. you can know something, teach something, believe something, try to apply something, without truly understanding it. let me explain. .

i believe God has given us scripture and truth revealed from it by various authors and Christian leaders for the purpose of testing our faithfulness. are we going to hear and apply the truth that God says we should apply? this is our part. i must take truth and apply it to my life. struggling with life circumstances? "God is all i need. it is good for me to be afflicted and in it He is shaping me into what He wants. i must trust Him." wanting something you do not have? "He has not given this to me for a reason, so i must wait on Him." .

but then there is understanding or seeing something clearly with the "eyes of your heart", understanding it in your soul. what can make you understand something truly? it most surely can't be done in our own ability. how often have i pounded truth into my head only to wake up the next day and doubt God? paul refers to this idea in romans 7:19, when he says, "For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing." .

such is the human nature. we strive and yet we fall short. even as Christians saved by grace in Christ Jesus, we work and work at applying truth and then a difficult situation can often put us back to square one. or at least it feels that way.

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what i have come to realize is that seeing things and truly understanding things only comes by the work of God, the working of His Spirit. we see it in conversion - a man can pray words but what really effects the change? if God does not come and open the man's eyes to realize his sinful state and then redeem him, he will forever remain in his sin. .

as Christians, our job is to take God at His word and to believe the truths we discover in scripture, to apply them as best as we humanly can, and then to pray. pray that God will actually effect the work such a truth will have in our lives if we are truly gripped by it. .

now i would have said i agreed with the statement above before this point - it certainly isn't a foreign concept to me - but i don't think i truly understood the absolute reality of it before now. .

recently i feel like the Lord has finally been making real to me true contentment. all the stuff i've read, all the things i've thought and prayed and truth i have spoken to myself is finally starting to stick. its as if i have been fighting to cross a river and am finally reaching the banks on the other side. .

the reason this contentment feels different is its not emotional. its not as if i'm on a spiritual high of feeling content. instead i feel firm. steady. i feel like the foundation for my trust in God and as such my contentment is finally solidified. the past few days i don't wake up thinking "you must trust God", i just do trust Him. i feel as if the Lord has opened my soul to truly understanding what it is to be content. .

now by this i do not mean to imply that going forward i think i will never struggle, that there will never be moments of doubt or times when emotions cloud correct thinking. i'm sure there are many struggles ahead, many sins to repent of and many dark hours and days. for all i know, i could wake up tomorrow and struggle. but beyond all that there is a foundation laid that i can never completely ignore and a truth that i know so certainly that no matter how much i try to forget it and be selfish, i will always come back to this truth of knowing i can be content as soon as i choose to submit my life to God and just live with trust. .

its the same feeling as a few years ago when the truth of God being my ultimate joy and happiness hit home. knowing God is your only true joy makes you long for heaven in a way that makes the rest of the world and all the things you thought you wanted, all the things you thought would bring fulfillment, become dim. i can't find the quote but in one of his books, "mere christianity" i think, c.s. lewis describes understanding this truth as making the world suddenly seem like the shadowlands. the shadow of a place you want to go - which is heaven. he writes: 

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." - C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity) .

in the girls discipleship material that mission 28 uses (and that i have taken many groups of girls through) there is an excellent section on contentment and it uses one of my favorite analogies which i will briefly tell you here. the writer (i forget who) parallels the Christian life as a pilgrimage, a trip. when you are on vacation or on a trip, living out of a suitcase and not sleeping in your own bed - its not as comfortable as home, but you put up with it because you know you are traveling. you do not expect the comforts of home because you are in fact not home, but on the road. the same is true with the christian life. this life is not our home, heaven is our home. if things are uncomfortable or not easy here it is because it was never meant to be. now is the traveling phase, but soon we will be home and it will have all the comfort that being home brings. we can compare ourselves with others but how silly to get upset that someone else has something we do not, when we are here but for a moment and soon will be in heaven. we are pilgrims on a voyage, so do not get comfortable in this world and expect it to be home, because its not. these thoughts are always such an encouragement to me. .

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all this to say, in the last few days the Lord has opened to me a peace of thought and heart that i have not experienced in a very long time. to trust God completely. to take command of your thoughts and chose to be content. it is a wonderful thing and i thank God for it because without Him i would still be striving instead of resting. He has allowed this truth to affect my heart and i am grateful for it. .

so what now? well i shall continue to live my life. it will be hard work and i'm sure there are struggles ahead, but i am excited to see how the Lord continues to grow this contentment and to see the effects that it has over my life and how i think about things. .

i want to encourage you that if you often struggle with contentment like i do... do not become discouraged! continue speaking truth to yourself knowing that the Lord is faithful and if you do your part to fill your mind with truth, the Lord will come and give you the peace and contentment you long for. .

if you read all that, i'm impressed! i don't expect many of you to read it, but it was something i wanted to get down if only for myself to be able to look back and remember. .

finally, if you are reading this and currently really struggling with something or with contentment, please comment or message me and let me know. i'd love to be praying for you.