where is the "mission field"?

recently, a lot of thoughts have been going around in my head related to missions, evangelism and full-time ministry vs. leading a vibrant outreaching christian life (but not full-time ministry). it is easy to assume that by being in full-time ministry you are being more "fruitful" for the gospel. its clear cut. your job is to share the gospel and reach out and minister to others. you don't have to wonder if you are doing things for Christ because if you are doing your work tasks and doing your job, you are doing biblical things. its your job to dig into God, strengthen your relationship and reach out to others with the gospel.

ministry is a very special thing, but i have also been thinking about the other side of things - not being in ministry, but still using your life to be fruitful for the gospel. i can't say i've completely got my mind wrapped around the subject, but i think the lord has revealed enough for me to walk ahead with faith. below the dotted line is what the lord has been working in my life regarding missions in the last year. its a bit lengthy and you don't have to read it, but feel free if you want to.

the main realization that the lord has opened my eyes to recently is that "mission" can have a variety of applications. missions is not just foreign missions or full-time ministry. you can have a passion for missions and the lord doesn't call you to do it for your job. you may work at a number of jobs through your life, but its about how you walk out your life, not specifically what you are doing. i believed this before, but recently the lord has worked this in my life to show me that my passion for missions can be applied right here in my home town. it doesn't mean i have to go to a foreign country to work this out or to minister to people in a big way. if i am ready to serve the lord, he'll use me right here in my home town.

in some ways i think its much harder to be faithful in missions in a place that is already home or a place you are comfortable with. if i don't work a ministry position full-time, my life will be clouded with various other work and life related details that have nothing to do with missions. but if you are faithful to push aside the busyness of life and be willing and ready to say "here i am, send me", he will be faithful to use you. he may not send you to africa or europe, but instead to your neighbor just around the corner. or that girl thats just started coming to your care group. or a mother who is tired and struggling and needs help. this sort of "missions" isn't as glamorous or exciting as foreign missions can seem - you are simply serving in little ways each day. little pieces of yourself go out to serve here, serve there. sometimes you don't see the effect right away, sometimes you wonder if you are being effective at all. but this i know - if you are faithful to serve, to share the gospel, to display the gospel in how you live out your life - the lord will be honored, his gospel will go forth, you will grow to be a stronger christian and God's kingdom will be expanded. and if that isn't missions, i don't know what is.

Find where the Lord is working and join Him there. 

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what's been happening over the last year....

anyone who has been around me for any length of time knows that in the last few years i've felt a strong desire to be involved in full-time missions. my desire for missions to be the main direction of my life started as a mission 28 intern, which i did for 2 years. when i ended the internship it became clear to me that the lord hadn't given me a passion to pursue a specific career line or go to school to pursue that career. instead he has given me a desire to minister to people through missions.

my first thought when i realized this was to start looking for a full-time missions opportunity. i considered going back to the mission 28 internship for a 3rd year, but after praying about it decided the lord was leading me in a different direction. for a year i have been ready to go wherever i felt the lord called me. i felt a very distinct feeling that i should wait. wait and see. so i waited. and waited. and waited some more. but i didn't see anything. no opportunities presented themselves, but i still felt like the lord was telling me to wait rather than to actively contact missions organizations and find myself an opportunity. so i waited.

anyone who has ever been in a waiting season will know what a unique season it is. at first i felt removed from my current circumstances and circle of people, which i felt as God's preparing me to be ready to leave. but as time went on, i realized i couldn't live disconnected, so in small ways i continued to get involved in different areas - still being a part of mission 28, leading some girls bible studies and groups, continuing to be involved in a care group. i felt like the lord worked a great contentment in me during this time. i was waiting for what i really wanted to do, but he was teaching me how to invest where i was and find the joy in waiting.

if you had asked me, all the while i was investing and continuing to be involved, i would have told you that i was still expecting a missions opportunity in a foreign country to present itself.

a couple weeks ago i just happened to read on my church's blog (which i rarely do) about a new sovereign grace ministries north africa church plant. at the end of the blog post, it mentioned that they were looking for a few more families and singles to join the team and to contact your pastor for more information on how to apply.

the reality of such a solid foreign missions opportunity - through sgm, in a country i've always had an interest in - sort of just hit me blind-sided. i had been waiting for such a long time and suddenly... BAM! here was an opportunity right in front of me. as i was reading part of me thought "is this finally it?!!" and there was an excitement. but what i didn't expect was the hesitation i felt. this has been what i've been waiting for... right?

it took me the rest of that day to try and sort out what i even thought about it all. after feeling such a strong call to missions i had felt the only natural direction for that was full-time missions in a foreign country. so that's what i had been waiting for. but what happened was when i thought about the africa church plant, all the ways that the lord uses me here in my hometown began to flash through my mind.

i wanted to make sure that my hesitation wasn't selfishness of not wanting to leave the comfort of home, so i prayed about it. what i noticed was instead of thinking "oh i don't want to leave mom or dad or my dog or my friends", my first thoughts were "but what about my girls discipleship girls" "what about the youth group - i really was looking forward to serving in that". 

suddenly, just as i felt the lord telling me to wait, i knew he wanted me to make a decision. i wasn't going to discount the idea of foreign missions, even though in my heart i was feeling drawn to staying in charlotte. but i decided to pray and fast for a couple days - which i did. i prayed that the lord would either solidify the desire to stay in charlotte or he would renew my passion for foreign missions. at the end of the 2 days, i didn't feel a huge pull towards foreign missions, so i took that as the lord looking at me and saying, "stay put - i have you just were i want you."


so.... i'm staying in charlotte! i have to say i am excited about this. for a long time i felt disconnected and ready at any moment to leave to go somewhere else, but over the last 6 months, the lord has really knit me back to charlotte. i am excited about the ways he is already using me in the church and i am excited to see what new opportunities he brings for me to serve in.

if you would, be praying for me. the last year has been about waiting and now i want to move ahead purposefully. i don't want to have the mindset of "i thought i was going to do missions, but now i've given that up and i'll just stay in charlotte.", which i can see as a temptation. 


i believe the lord has simply adjusted and redirected my desire for missions to be local rather than far away. in some ways staying put and being faithful here will be harder for me than a full-time foreign missions opportunity, but i know that lord will be faithful to meet me and use me here in charlotte just as he would have in a foreign country. 


finally, i want to always be open to the lord changing my plans. for now i do feel he has told me to stay in charlotte and to get settled in - which i will do. but he very well could plan for me to get all settled and in a few years decide to send me somewhere else! so my prayer is to always be excited for wherever the lord wants me, for whatever time he wants me there, and whatever the cost. i don't want to get so settled that i don't want to go if he wants to send me out to a different place (either other parts of the US or a foreign country) in the future.


but for now, i'll stay in charlotte and continue living life with all my wonderful friends, family and my church. my next step will be to start looking for a full-time job (i currently work part-time) in the hopes of becoming financially secure and eventually move out and get an apartment. we'll see what the lord has in store! 

thanks to everyone who has prayed for me! the lord has truly blessed me with amazing friends and fellow christians to walk life out with, and i am so grateful for you all.

hope you all have a wonderful 4th of july tomorrow!! happy independence day. :)

waiting for mercy

Waiting for Mercy, 2 Samuel 7:15, from Beside Still Waters by C. H. Spurgeon 

The old proverb says:

No sweat, no sweet:
No pains, no gains:
No mill, no meal.

It is the same in heavenly things. God's usual rule is to make us pray before He gives the blessing and to make us fervently pray before great mercies are given. When God makes us knock at mercy's gate, it is a great blessing. When we plead with God and have not realized success, we become more earnest and more intent and our hunger increases. If we obtained the blessing when we first asked, we would not have a sense of mercy's value. Standing outside mercy's gate, we grow more passionately earnest in our pleading. First we ask, then we seek, and finally we plead with cries, tears, and a broken heart.

I never would have been able to comfort anguished seekers if I myself had not been kept waiting for mercy. I have always felt grateful for distress because of the results afterward. Many saints whose experiences are published could never have written those books if they had not waited hungry and thirsty and full of soul sorrow. The spade of agony digs deep trenches to hold the water of life.

If the ships of prayer do not speedily return, it is because they are heavily loaded with blessings. When prayer is not immediately answered, it will be all the sweeter when the answer arrives. Prayer, like fruit, is ripened by hanging longer on the tree.

If you knock with a heavy heart, you will soon sing with the joy of the Spirit. Therefore, do not be discouraged because the door is still closed.


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i really enjoyed this entry in the beside still waters devotional. so often i feel like i am waiting and i pray and pray and still receive no apparent answer. the lord is definitely teaching me patience during this season (and probably will in every season following.. haha.). patience to wait on things in my own life, but also things in my friend's lives. i need to continually remind myself that it is good for me to feel like i can't control life, either for myself or my friend, because i can't. God is in control and we wouldn't want it any other way. He may put things in our lives, and in the lives of people we love, that we would have never chosen for us or them. but i must keep reminding myself that there is a purpose in these things even if i can not see them and that through trusting the Lord and walking each day out for Him (whether i know what direction He is leading me in or not) that He is good and has a plan in all of it - for our joy and His glory.

on a lighter note- i leave tomorrow to go to maryland with friends to see mumford & sons in concert. this will be a nice trip to help me relax from a rather exhausting first half of this week. i'm really looking forward to it.

also - i really wanna see this movie.




to end i'll leave you with one of my favorite mumford & sons song - "little lion man". have a good rest of the week!

after his own heart

After His Own Heart, 1 Samuel 13:14, from Beside Still Waters by C.H. Spurgeon

When your faith endures many conflicts and your spirit sinks low, do not condemn yourself. It was David in haste who said, "I am cut off from before Your eyes" (Ps. 31:22). Yet there is David now in the blessed heavenly choir, for even here on earth he was a man after God's own heart (1 Sam. 13:14).

There is a reason for your season of heaviness. Great soldiers are not made without war. Skillful sailors are not trained on the shore. It appears that if you are to become a great believer, you will be greatly tested. If you are to be a great helper to others, you must pass through their trials. If you are to be instructed in the things of the kingdom, you must learn from experience. The uncut diamond has little brilliance, the unthreshed corn feeds no one, and the untried believer is of little use or beauty. There are great benefits to come from your trials and depression.

Many people have a comparatively smooth path through life, but their position is not the equal of the tested believer. the one who is much plowed and often harrowed will thank God if the result is a larger harvest to the praise and glory of God by Jesus Christ. If your face is now covered with sorrow, the time will come when you will bless God for that sorrow. The day will come when you will see great gain from your losses, your crosses, your troubles, and your afflictions:

From all your afflictions His glory shall spring
And the deeper your sorrows the louder you'll sing.

psalm 30: joy comes with the morning

A Psalm of David. A song at the dedication of the temple.

1 I will extol you, O LORD, for you have drawn me up
and have not let my foes rejoice over me.
2 O LORD my God, I cried to you for help,
and you have healed me.
3 O LORD, you have brought up my soul from Sheol;
you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit.^a

4 Sing praises to the LORD, O you his saints,
and give thanks to his holy name.^b
5 For his anger is but for a moment,
and his favor is for a lifetime.^c
Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.

6 As for me, I said in my prosperity,
“I shall never be moved.”
7 By your favor, O LORD,
you made my mountain stand strong;
you hid your face;
I was dismayed.

8 To you, O LORD, I cry,
and to the Lord I plead for mercy:
9 “What profit is there in my death,^d
if I go down to the pit?^e
Will the dust praise you?
Will it tell of your faithfulness?
10 Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me!
O LORD, be my helper!”

11 You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
you have loosed my sackcloth
and clothed me with gladness,
12 that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

endings

the end. there can be a variety of feeling surrounding those two short words depending on what the story was, how it ended, whether you liked it or didn't like it.

endings have been on my mind a lot. everything from the endings of television shows and books series to the end of seasons of life and even the end of life itself.

the end of something is just as important as the beginning. its in the end that you can see how well you walked through the past season. you can see the mistakes you make and the things you did right, the good attitudes you had and the bad.

recently my best friend's granddad passed away and it brought back all the memories of my own granddaddy and his death back in december. life is such a odd thing when you think of it - it can be taken away in a second, but it can also hang around and let you get to be old and gray with years and years of experiences behind you. young people die, old people die. in the end its more about how you lived your life and what is important to you rather than the experiences you've had or the length of your life.

on the flipside my friend mindy is having a baby - new life. this is an exciting time and i am thrilled for her. with this comes the start of a new season - mindy with kids. the season of her being single, then her just newly married is now passed. we're all growing up. what will i be able to say about my life when i look back - both at each end of the seasons of my life and ultimately at the very end? i hope i'll be able to say i made the most of each. that i rejoiced in the season the Lord had me and that i lived each day for him, finding joy in the little things. i don't want to look back on each season as i pass into a new one, sad that i wasted the one i was in because i was so eager to get to the next one.

the older i get the more i realize how fast life goes by. when i was in high school i just wanted to be graduated. when i was younger i just wanted to be married or to have a boyfriend. now i realize just how quickly it all passes by and in some way how unimportant my wishes and desires of the moment are. God is working his plan in me and it will be the best plan, regardless of what my feelings tell me at the moment. knowing that God is in control and that all the things you desire aren't really that important in the scope of life gives you perspective to live without worry or fear. sure - i want to have desires and dreams. i want to accomplish some of them and i can work towards that. but at the same time i don't have to worry about this or that - will i get married, will i have kids, what will i do for a career - because in the end my life is going to go the way it goes and the main purpose of my life is to find what the Lord has for me in each circumstance, even if its contrary to what i thought i wanted for these years.

this is what i remind myself of. somedays i believe it more than others - but it is always true. trusting God and being joyful in your circumstances is always the best way to live. that way when i pass into the next season of my life - whatever and whenever that may be - i can look back and though i won't have lived it perfectly, i can look back without regret having not wasted away the season by discontent or wishing for different circumstances. this is my goal.

on the lighter side of life, i have also been watching a lot of season finales on television and finishing good books.

a while ago i started re-reading back through the harry potter series. i can't remember if this was my 2nd or 3rd time through, but i enjoyed it just as much, if not more, than the first time. i kind of dropped off around book 5 but picked book 6 back up and re-started the reading of them a few weeks ago. i finished harry potter and the deathly hallows (the final one) a couple days ago. man i cried all through the last two books. haha. i always do. {spoiler...} dumbledore dies, dobby dies, fred dies.. and various others. i literally have to read them with a box of tissues (which i did). i love a story that can get me so involved - especially a series of books since having such a long expanse to tell a story gives you more detail and more time to get attached to the characters. after finishing the last book i was so sad it was over, i almost wanted to start reading them again. i am more eager than ever for the last harry potter movie to come out.

i love these three.

last night was the season finale of bones which was very good. angela had her baby over which i cried my eyes out. the older i get the more special having a baby seems to me... even if its just a fictional character i like on screen. i can't imagine what its going to be like when mindy's having her baby! gah i can't wait. anyways... angela had her baby and then {spoiler...} shocker! bones revealed at the last part of the show that she was pregnant and the booth is the father. awesome! i can't wait for next season.

i also love them. 

there are several more season finales coming up - GLEE on tuesday, but more importantly - the american idol finale is on tuesday as well!! i haven't watched american idol in years, but i watched this season with mom and dad. it was pretty good. one of my favorites, haley, went home last night, but i'm still pleased with who is in the finale. and now i don't have to wonder who i'll vote for. SCOTTTTTTY!!!! :)

i'm sad all my normal shows won't be around in the summer, but thursday brings a wonderful beginning - so you think you can dance. favorite show of the summer. so excited for this. i adore this show. and mary murphy is back as a judge this season. yesssss! she is sometimes so annoying, but i really missed her last season. she's like the paula of sytycd. 

as a closing note, the count of monte cristo finally arrived and i am eager to start it! i'll let you know how it like it. hope you all have a wonderful friday! a few short work hours and then its the weekend! hurray! :)

up from the grave he arose

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Crown him with many crowns, the Lamb upon his throne,
Hark! how the heavenly anthem drowns, all music but its own. 
Awake, my soul, and sing, of him who died for thee, 
And hail him as thy matchless King, through all eternity.
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Crown him the Lord of life, who triumphed o'er the grave, 
And rose victorious in the strife, for those he came to save.
His glories now we sing, who died, and rose on high, 
Who died, eternal life to bring, and lives that death may die. 
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- from "Crown Him With Many Crowns"
..
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Matthew 28:5-7
5 The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6 He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. 7 Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you."



today is easter sunday. i hope you are enjoying wonderful times with your families, eating good food and rejoicing in the risen Savior. what a wonderful day to celebrate the day Jesus rose up from the grave proving that He had conquered death and sin forever, allowing us to come and relate to the Father based on His righteousness and sacrifice.

it is good to be home from the beach. it felt like a very long time away from home. it was wonderful to come back to celebrate easter with our church family this morning and then share easter lunch with grandmother and family. now i get to sit outside and enjoy this gorgeous 88 degree day, listening to sigur ros, reading books, and eating my chocolate easter bunny.

happy easter!!

last day

today is the last full day we have here at the beach - we leave tomorrow afternoon. it has been a fantastic beach vacation. on monday it felt like we had had a great beach trip, but then we got tues, wed, thurs, and today (fri) as well. what a treat. its been a while since we've had a full week at the beach.

the sun has been bright and shining and we've been able to be on the beach every day, reading, playing beach games, walking and laying out. it has been so relaxing. parker continues to wake up at 6am - even on vacation - but it was actually a plus though because i have seen the sunrise on the beach every single morning this week. that never would have happened before. the beach has been so beautiful this week.

wednesday sunrise

 

wednesday sunset

thursday sunrise

thursday sunset (a bit cloudy)

today's sunrise

beach reading: 

i have been really encouraged this week, taking time each morning to read my Bible and other books. i love that i am not sad about leaving the beach and going home tomorrow. i love my life and i am thankful that the Lord has given me contentment in the little things. i have loved being at the beach and getting away but it'll be good to get home and get back on a schedule.

here are a few things i read today:

Psalm 16  

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the LORD, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you." As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight. The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips. The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the LORD who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me; because his at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand there are pleasures forevermore.

LAID ASIDE FOR A TIME.   Exodus 3:1 

This is counsel for you who are temporarily laid on the shelf. Some of God's best workers have been laid aside for long periods. Moses was forty years in the desert, doing nothing but tending sheep. One greater than Moses, our blessed Savior, was thirty years doing - I will not say nothing, but certainly doing no public work.

When you are retired or inactive, prepare for the time when God will use you again. If you are put on the shelf, do not rust; pray that the Master will polish you, so that when He uses you again you will be fully ready for the work.

While you are laid aside, I want you top ray for others that are working. Help them and encourage them. Do not get into that peevish, miserable frame of mind that grudges and undervalues other's efforts. Some people, when they cannot do anything, do not like anybody else to work. Promise that if you cannot help, you will never hinder. Spend time in prayer, that you may be fit for the Master's use.

At the siege of Gibraltar, when the fleet surrounded it and determined to storm the old rock, the governor fired red-hot shot down on the men-of-war. The enemy did not care for the governor's warm reception. Think how it was don. Here were gunners on the ramparts firing away, and ever garrison soldier wanted to join them. What did those who could not fire a gun do? They heated the shot. And that is what you must do. 

You pastor is the master gunner, so heat the shot for him with your earnest prayers. When you see your friends working for God, if you cannot join them, say, "Never mind. If I can contribute nothing else, my prayers will heat the shot."

(from Beside Still Waters by C. H. Spurgeon)

this devotional above was an encouragement to me, because by the grace of God, He has helped me to this place. for a long time after my mission 28 internship, i felt useless. transitioning out of a missions focused job was a very hard process for me and at times i still feel the change. even on the very very hard days doing missions work, there is an undeniable feeling that what you are working for is worth it; that you are doing the right thing. hard days with normal work doesn't feel quite the same. as a secretary i staple stuff, answer phones, sort mail and a random assortment of little tasks that make up my work day. i'm not sharing the gospel with anyone, i'm not doing anything that anyone is really going to notice. but the Lord has shown me that this season of waiting and resting is good. He has brought me contentment and i am so thankful for it. i have a great steady job, a wonderful house to live in, my mom and dad and parker and wonderful friends.

reading this was also a good reminder for me to not get comfortable. i am very glad the Lord has helped me get settled into this slower, quieter life, but at the same time i am simply "on the shelf" i haven't been permanently stored away. i need to hold everything loosely and make sure i don't "rust". what a sad thing it would be that after my desire for missions that i would get too attached to "normal" life and when missions presents itself again, that i would be to selfish to change things up. my prayer is to always be ready, open and expectant to whatever the Lord calls me to do or wherever He wants to send me.

on the fiction front i've been re-reading harry potter and the half-blood prince. i love the potter books. this is my 3rd or 4th time through them i think.

well i'm off to enjoy the rest of my dayhope you all have been having a great week!

expect trials to multiply

Expect Trials to Multiply    Genesis 22:1   
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     God does not put heavy burdens on weak shoulders. God educates and tests our faith by trials that increase in proportion to our faith. God expects us to do adult work and to endure adult afflictions only after we have reached a mature status in Christ Jesus. Therefore, beloved, expect your trials to multiply as you proceed toward heaven.
    Do not think that as you grow in grace your path will become smoother and the sky calmer and clearer. Quite the contrary. As God gives you greater skill as a soldier of the cross, He will send you on more difficult missions. As He more fully equips your ship to sail in storms, He will send you on longer voyages to more boisterous seas, so that you may honor him and increase in holy confidence. 
    You would think that in Abraham's old age - after he had come to the land of Beulah, after the birth of Isaac, and especially after the expulsion of Ishmael - he would have had a time of rest. But "it came to pass after these things that God tested Abraham" (Gen. 22:1). Let Abraham's story warn us to never plan on a rest from trials this side of the grave. 
    The trumpet still plays the notes of war. You cannot sit down and put the victory wreath on your head. You do not have a crown. You still must wear the helmet and carry the sword. You must watch, pray, and fight. Expect your last battle to be the most difficult, for the enemy's fiercest charge is reserved for the end of the day. 

(from "Beside Still Waters" by C.H. Spurgeon)

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At first glance these truths can be disheartening. Often we are struggling and trying to find comfort that the trial will soon pass or that life will get easier. We think, "I have been working so long for the Lord in this area - I'm bound for a relief and a rest soon!".  But we find that the struggles don't subside, that life in some ways seems to just get more difficult, not less. We start to wonder if God is really there or if His plan is good or maybe He just forgot about us for a bit. But this devotional reminds us of a key fact - this life is not meant for rest. We may look around and see the majority of the world delighting in things of this world and seeming to have it pretty easy - and they do. For non-Christians, this world is all they've got. For the Christian this life is not what we are living for, but simply part of a journey.

Remembering that we are not here for rest, but to grow to be more like Christ and to serve Him is so encouraging to me because it sets my mind in the right perspective. If I am always expecting rest and ease and yet get struggles and work, I will be most discontent. BUT, if I have the right perspective, if I know that now is "war" as the devotional called it and that in this war there will be many difficulties and trials then I should be content and though I may struggle and suffer in the trial I will be spared the greatest suffering - doubting God. Everything that comes at me I will know is perfectly allotted for me by my loving Father and so even if its difficult, I can live with joy and charge on through life with faith because I know that my victory, my rest and my ultimate joy awaits me in Heaven.

What an encouragement this is! That no matter what the circumstances of your life may be, you will always have the Lord by your side and you need never to doubt Him or His plan. Contentment regardless of circumstance.

Also, if you look around and feel like you seem to have harder trials and more difficulties than some people, even Christians, you can be encouraged because,"God does not put heavy burdens on weak shoulders". If you have a heavy trial you must take that the Lord is growing you and that you have strong shoulders, bearing harder things for His sake and His glory - and as such, for your ultimate joy. Someone that has never known of trial or difficulty does not know or trust the Lord in the same way as someone who is in trial. If we learn to think of trials as a great blessing, meant for our good, God's glory and our joy - then we will stop complaining about the trial and instead live with faith and contentment in God's plan for us!

So, be encouraged. Trust God. Be content for He is growing you to be more like Christ (and that is never a bad thing). And look towards heaven where our Savior, ultimate joy, and victory's wreath awaits!

a pilgrim's life

this post has been a while coming and i'm not sure if i've got my mind around the subject enough to write a post about it, but here i am sitting here typing it out. 
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for years i have been blessed to have great teaching on God, the Christian life, and contentment. when i would hear these teachings my brain would immediately engage and assent to these truths. i've spoken them to myself, tried to live them, i've even encouraged and taught others with them. but why then is life so difficult? why do i constantly struggle and wish for things i do not have or be overcome with comparison to others and doubt God's goodness? 

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i have come to realize something. you can know something, teach something, believe something, try to apply something, without truly understanding it. let me explain. .

i believe God has given us scripture and truth revealed from it by various authors and Christian leaders for the purpose of testing our faithfulness. are we going to hear and apply the truth that God says we should apply? this is our part. i must take truth and apply it to my life. struggling with life circumstances? "God is all i need. it is good for me to be afflicted and in it He is shaping me into what He wants. i must trust Him." wanting something you do not have? "He has not given this to me for a reason, so i must wait on Him." .

but then there is understanding or seeing something clearly with the "eyes of your heart", understanding it in your soul. what can make you understand something truly? it most surely can't be done in our own ability. how often have i pounded truth into my head only to wake up the next day and doubt God? paul refers to this idea in romans 7:19, when he says, "For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing." .

such is the human nature. we strive and yet we fall short. even as Christians saved by grace in Christ Jesus, we work and work at applying truth and then a difficult situation can often put us back to square one. or at least it feels that way.

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what i have come to realize is that seeing things and truly understanding things only comes by the work of God, the working of His Spirit. we see it in conversion - a man can pray words but what really effects the change? if God does not come and open the man's eyes to realize his sinful state and then redeem him, he will forever remain in his sin. .

as Christians, our job is to take God at His word and to believe the truths we discover in scripture, to apply them as best as we humanly can, and then to pray. pray that God will actually effect the work such a truth will have in our lives if we are truly gripped by it. .

now i would have said i agreed with the statement above before this point - it certainly isn't a foreign concept to me - but i don't think i truly understood the absolute reality of it before now. .

recently i feel like the Lord has finally been making real to me true contentment. all the stuff i've read, all the things i've thought and prayed and truth i have spoken to myself is finally starting to stick. its as if i have been fighting to cross a river and am finally reaching the banks on the other side. .

the reason this contentment feels different is its not emotional. its not as if i'm on a spiritual high of feeling content. instead i feel firm. steady. i feel like the foundation for my trust in God and as such my contentment is finally solidified. the past few days i don't wake up thinking "you must trust God", i just do trust Him. i feel as if the Lord has opened my soul to truly understanding what it is to be content. .

now by this i do not mean to imply that going forward i think i will never struggle, that there will never be moments of doubt or times when emotions cloud correct thinking. i'm sure there are many struggles ahead, many sins to repent of and many dark hours and days. for all i know, i could wake up tomorrow and struggle. but beyond all that there is a foundation laid that i can never completely ignore and a truth that i know so certainly that no matter how much i try to forget it and be selfish, i will always come back to this truth of knowing i can be content as soon as i choose to submit my life to God and just live with trust. .

its the same feeling as a few years ago when the truth of God being my ultimate joy and happiness hit home. knowing God is your only true joy makes you long for heaven in a way that makes the rest of the world and all the things you thought you wanted, all the things you thought would bring fulfillment, become dim. i can't find the quote but in one of his books, "mere christianity" i think, c.s. lewis describes understanding this truth as making the world suddenly seem like the shadowlands. the shadow of a place you want to go - which is heaven. he writes: 

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." - C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity) .

in the girls discipleship material that mission 28 uses (and that i have taken many groups of girls through) there is an excellent section on contentment and it uses one of my favorite analogies which i will briefly tell you here. the writer (i forget who) parallels the Christian life as a pilgrimage, a trip. when you are on vacation or on a trip, living out of a suitcase and not sleeping in your own bed - its not as comfortable as home, but you put up with it because you know you are traveling. you do not expect the comforts of home because you are in fact not home, but on the road. the same is true with the christian life. this life is not our home, heaven is our home. if things are uncomfortable or not easy here it is because it was never meant to be. now is the traveling phase, but soon we will be home and it will have all the comfort that being home brings. we can compare ourselves with others but how silly to get upset that someone else has something we do not, when we are here but for a moment and soon will be in heaven. we are pilgrims on a voyage, so do not get comfortable in this world and expect it to be home, because its not. these thoughts are always such an encouragement to me. .

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all this to say, in the last few days the Lord has opened to me a peace of thought and heart that i have not experienced in a very long time. to trust God completely. to take command of your thoughts and chose to be content. it is a wonderful thing and i thank God for it because without Him i would still be striving instead of resting. He has allowed this truth to affect my heart and i am grateful for it. .

so what now? well i shall continue to live my life. it will be hard work and i'm sure there are struggles ahead, but i am excited to see how the Lord continues to grow this contentment and to see the effects that it has over my life and how i think about things. .

i want to encourage you that if you often struggle with contentment like i do... do not become discouraged! continue speaking truth to yourself knowing that the Lord is faithful and if you do your part to fill your mind with truth, the Lord will come and give you the peace and contentment you long for. .

if you read all that, i'm impressed! i don't expect many of you to read it, but it was something i wanted to get down if only for myself to be able to look back and remember. .

finally, if you are reading this and currently really struggling with something or with contentment, please comment or message me and let me know. i'd love to be praying for you. 

beside still waters

below are a couple entries i read this morning from the devotional "beside still waters" by charles spurgeon. they were encouraging to me and i hope they will be for you also.

We May Boldy Say

So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” (Hebrews 13:6)

The fact that the Lord has constantly been our helper confirms our faith. If in looking back we could find a point where God failed, we might let our faith waiver. I speak from experience. I cannot find one example in all my life in which God was untrue or unkind. If we never doubt God until we have a reason, we will never doubt so long as we live. 

Yesterday I looked at some birds in a cage. These poor little creatures are entirely dependent on those who feed them. They cannot help themselves. If seed and water is not supplied, they will die. Yet there they sit and sing with all their might. Their state of dependence never distresses them. They never think that their keeper will fail them. 

That is my position. I am God's singing bird. Perhaps I wonder where I shall get my bread or my next sermons, and a great many cares and troubles come to me. But why should I be troubled? Instead of mistrusting my keeper, who has fed me these many years, I had best sit and sing as loudly as I can. That is the best thing to do. The birds do it, so why not you and me? We are suppose to have more intellect than a bird, but at times we do not seem to have half as much.

The Lord has constantly been true. Do not doubt. If some remarkable trial should waylay you between here and heaven, you will find extraordinary deliverance from Him who has been your helper. "For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.' So we may boldly say: 'The Lord is my helper, I will not fear" (Hebrews 13:5-6)

The Furnace For Gold

The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the LORD tests the heart. (Proverbs 17:3)

Gold is put into the furnace because it is gold (Prov. 17:3). It is useless to try to refine rubbish there. A first-rate diamond will undergo more cutting than an inferior one. The great Owner of heaven's jewels uses a sharper cutting machine on the most valuable stones. Our King desires that we have many facets to reflect the glory of His name.

You often think that Jesus does not care because He has not interposed with a great miracle. Gradually, you are getting poorer or becoming more afflicted in body. You had hoped for a miracle. My dear friend, sometimes God works a greater wonder when He sustains people in trouble than by delivering them. To let the bush burn with fire and not be consume (Ex. 3:2) is a greater thing than quenching the flame and saving the bush. 

Possibly, the hard suspicion that Jesus does not care takes another form. I do not ask the Lord to work a miracle, but I do ask Him to cheer my heart and apply the promises to my soul. I want His Spirit to visit me so that my pain may be forgotten in the delight of His presence. I want to feel the full assurance of the Savior's presence, that this present trial will be swallowed up in a far greater weight of joy (2 Cor. 4:17). Yet to my regret, the Lord hides His face, and this makes my trial all the heavier.

What a mercy that you can never sink lower than grace! When you come to your lowest point, God interposes. The tide turns when you reach the full ebb. The darkest part of night is farthest from the rising of sun. Believer, be of good courage. 

rk11: stand

this is a little delayed, but i wanted to post a little bit about a retreat/trip i took beginning of this month. rekindle is the spring break trip that our church's college ministry, mission 28, takes to laguna beach, florida every year. this year was my 5th rekindle - can you believe it? i graduated high school in 2006 at the tender age of 16 and came into mission 28 that fall just turned 17 (my birthday is in july). my first rekindle was in march 2007. each year i get older i look forward to it more and more because i do not know how many more i will have a chance to go to. i have been feeling like its time to begin to shift out of mission 28 and to serve in other areas in the church - so preparing and going to this year's rekindle was special for me. i'm not sure if this year's rekindle was the last i'll go to or not, but it was the last for some of my friends who have been coming as long as i have (or longer!). being in mission 28 for almost 6 years i have seen a lot of changes. its shifted from being a lot of people older than me and friends of my sister's to then being all my friends and in the last years i have seen a good number of my friends get married and move on. although it takes time for me to adjust every year as each year i am bumped more and more into the much smaller "older" section of mission 28, i am so excited to see how m28 regenerates and progresses each year. every semester there are new people and i am glad to see how new faces soon turn into the core regular members of the group. having worked for mission 28 as an intern for 2 years i have a special joy in seeing the ministry succeed and progress in new directions.

all that to say - i was super excited to go to rekindle this year. i don't know everyone in mission 28 now like i used to and there are a lot of new faces that i got to meet at rekindle - some for the first time. it was also wonderful to get to spend rekindle with the remaining "old crowd". i think because the format of every rekindle in pretty much the same - we stay in the same place, hear from (in general) the same pastors, and the schedule is the same - no matter how much changes in mission 28, whenever we go down to laguna beach christian retreat center is feels like my old mission 28.  it is cool to stand in some of the same places i've stood year after year and worship to some of the same songs and to think back on the past 6 years and all the things the lord has brought me through, the ways he has grown me and how much more i love the lord than the first time i came to rekindle. its like snapshots of the past rekindles come back to me.

i went down with the early crew - a group of people that go down early to set up the room and decorate. it was a particularly fun early crew with lots of laughs and inside jokes. the room turned out fabulous too which is always rewarding.

i used to take pictures when i went places but the older i get the less i care about taking pictures. in some ways i like to remember things in my minds eye rather than by pictures. also- to me pictures are a form of art and since i only have a little point and shoot at the moment i don't really care to take time away from enjoying an event just to snap some average pictures. hopefully soon i will get a film camera and learn how to use it and begin to post more lovely pictures on here. but i did take one solitary picture. the sunset was very beautiful one night so i snapped it. i also took a little video to remember what the view looked like.

the theme of the week's messages was STAND. standing for christ, standing together, etc. basically being faithful in your christian walk. i particularly enjoyed the teachings this year. typically by the last few messages at the end of the week i'm tired and have a hard time paying attention, but i just remember sitting there on wednesday night and being surprised when i realized that the next morning was the last message. we haven't gotten the messages uploaded to the mission 28 website yet, but when we do i'll posts links here in case you want to listen to them (which i would recommend). 

all in all it was a wonderful rekindle - almost my favorite of all. there was a bittersweet specialness about this one as if after this everything would probably change even more than it has. and i'm sure it will.. it always does. the only thing you can depend on is that life will always change. things never stay the same. i'm learning to be grateful for the change rather than cling to old things. who knows where i'll be by march 2012 but i guess we'll just have to wait and see!

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.'" - Lamentations 3:22-24 

my friend, i know not what your trouble may be

(James Smith, "The Pastor's Evening Visit")

"If I were you--I would seek unto God! I would lay my cause before Him!" Job 5:8

 This is sound advice. It is much better than . . .
  seeking unto men, or
  poring over troubles, or 
  indulging a gloomy imagination, or
  giving way to fears. 

My friend, I know not what your trouble may be--but "If I were you--I would seek unto God!"

If I was in perplexity--I would seek unto God for wisdom. 

If I was in sorrow--I would seek unto God for comfort. 

If I was in weakness--I would seek unto God for strength.

If I was under guilt--I would seek unto God for pardon. 

If I was in a severe conflict--I would seek unto God for victory. 

If I was in doubt and fear--I would seek unto God for confidence and a sense of His favor. 

If I was harassed by Satan--I would seek unto almighty God for protection. 

If I was afraid of falling--I would seek unto God to uphold me with His omnipotent arm. 

If I was alarmed at death--I would seek for His presence to comfort me. 

Whatever you need--seek it from God!

Whatever you fear--carry it to God!

Whatever troubles you--lay it before God!

You cannot seek unto Him in vain, or without profit!

"If I were you--I would seek unto God! I would lay my cause before Him!"