ministry is a very special thing, but i have also been thinking about the other side of things - not being in ministry, but still using your life to be fruitful for the gospel. i can't say i've completely got my mind wrapped around the subject, but i think the lord has revealed enough for me to walk ahead with faith. below the dotted line is what the lord has been working in my life regarding missions in the last year. its a bit lengthy and you don't have to read it, but feel free if you want to.
the main realization that the lord has opened my eyes to recently is that "mission" can have a variety of applications. missions is not just foreign missions or full-time ministry. you can have a passion for missions and the lord doesn't call you to do it for your job. you may work at a number of jobs through your life, but its about how you walk out your life, not specifically what you are doing. i believed this before, but recently the lord has worked this in my life to show me that my passion for missions can be applied right here in my home town. it doesn't mean i have to go to a foreign country to work this out or to minister to people in a big way. if i am ready to serve the lord, he'll use me right here in my home town.
in some ways i think its much harder to be faithful in missions in a place that is already home or a place you are comfortable with. if i don't work a ministry position full-time, my life will be clouded with various other work and life related details that have nothing to do with missions. but if you are faithful to push aside the busyness of life and be willing and ready to say "here i am, send me", he will be faithful to use you. he may not send you to africa or europe, but instead to your neighbor just around the corner. or that girl thats just started coming to your care group. or a mother who is tired and struggling and needs help. this sort of "missions" isn't as glamorous or exciting as foreign missions can seem - you are simply serving in little ways each day. little pieces of yourself go out to serve here, serve there. sometimes you don't see the effect right away, sometimes you wonder if you are being effective at all. but this i know - if you are faithful to serve, to share the gospel, to display the gospel in how you live out your life - the lord will be honored, his gospel will go forth, you will grow to be a stronger christian and God's kingdom will be expanded. and if that isn't missions, i don't know what is.
Find where the Lord is working and join Him there.-----------------------------------------------------------------
what's been happening over the last year....
anyone who has been around me for any length of time knows that in the last few years i've felt a strong desire to be involved in full-time missions. my desire for missions to be the main direction of my life started as a mission 28 intern, which i did for 2 years. when i ended the internship it became clear to me that the lord hadn't given me a passion to pursue a specific career line or go to school to pursue that career. instead he has given me a desire to minister to people through missions.
my first thought when i realized this was to start looking for a full-time missions opportunity. i considered going back to the mission 28 internship for a 3rd year, but after praying about it decided the lord was leading me in a different direction. for a year i have been ready to go wherever i felt the lord called me. i felt a very distinct feeling that i should wait. wait and see. so i waited. and waited. and waited some more. but i didn't see anything. no opportunities presented themselves, but i still felt like the lord was telling me to wait rather than to actively contact missions organizations and find myself an opportunity. so i waited.
anyone who has ever been in a waiting season will know what a unique season it is. at first i felt removed from my current circumstances and circle of people, which i felt as God's preparing me to be ready to leave. but as time went on, i realized i couldn't live disconnected, so in small ways i continued to get involved in different areas - still being a part of mission 28, leading some girls bible studies and groups, continuing to be involved in a care group. i felt like the lord worked a great contentment in me during this time. i was waiting for what i really wanted to do, but he was teaching me how to invest where i was and find the joy in waiting.
if you had asked me, all the while i was investing and continuing to be involved, i would have told you that i was still expecting a missions opportunity in a foreign country to present itself.
a couple weeks ago i just happened to read on my church's blog (which i rarely do) about a new sovereign grace ministries north africa church plant. at the end of the blog post, it mentioned that they were looking for a few more families and singles to join the team and to contact your pastor for more information on how to apply.
the reality of such a solid foreign missions opportunity - through sgm, in a country i've always had an interest in - sort of just hit me blind-sided. i had been waiting for such a long time and suddenly... BAM! here was an opportunity right in front of me. as i was reading part of me thought "is this finally it?!!" and there was an excitement. but what i didn't expect was the hesitation i felt. this has been what i've been waiting for... right?
it took me the rest of that day to try and sort out what i even thought about it all. after feeling such a strong call to missions i had felt the only natural direction for that was full-time missions in a foreign country. so that's what i had been waiting for. but what happened was when i thought about the africa church plant, all the ways that the lord uses me here in my hometown began to flash through my mind.
i wanted to make sure that my hesitation wasn't selfishness of not wanting to leave the comfort of home, so i prayed about it. what i noticed was instead of thinking "oh i don't want to leave mom or dad or my dog or my friends", my first thoughts were "but what about my girls discipleship girls" "what about the youth group - i really was looking forward to serving in that".
suddenly, just as i felt the lord telling me to wait, i knew he wanted me to make a decision. i wasn't going to discount the idea of foreign missions, even though in my heart i was feeling drawn to staying in charlotte. but i decided to pray and fast for a couple days - which i did. i prayed that the lord would either solidify the desire to stay in charlotte or he would renew my passion for foreign missions. at the end of the 2 days, i didn't feel a huge pull towards foreign missions, so i took that as the lord looking at me and saying, "stay put - i have you just were i want you."
so.... i'm staying in charlotte! i have to say i am excited about this. for a long time i felt disconnected and ready at any moment to leave to go somewhere else, but over the last 6 months, the lord has really knit me back to charlotte. i am excited about the ways he is already using me in the church and i am excited to see what new opportunities he brings for me to serve in.
if you would, be praying for me. the last year has been about waiting and now i want to move ahead purposefully. i don't want to have the mindset of "i thought i was going to do missions, but now i've given that up and i'll just stay in charlotte.", which i can see as a temptation.
i believe the lord has simply adjusted and redirected my desire for missions to be local rather than far away. in some ways staying put and being faithful here will be harder for me than a full-time foreign missions opportunity, but i know that lord will be faithful to meet me and use me here in charlotte just as he would have in a foreign country.
finally, i want to always be open to the lord changing my plans. for now i do feel he has told me to stay in charlotte and to get settled in - which i will do. but he very well could plan for me to get all settled and in a few years decide to send me somewhere else! so my prayer is to always be excited for wherever the lord wants me, for whatever time he wants me there, and whatever the cost. i don't want to get so settled that i don't want to go if he wants to send me out to a different place (either other parts of the US or a foreign country) in the future.
but for now, i'll stay in charlotte and continue living life with all my wonderful friends, family and my church. my next step will be to start looking for a full-time job (i currently work part-time) in the hopes of becoming financially secure and eventually move out and get an apartment. we'll see what the lord has in store!
thanks to everyone who has prayed for me! the lord has truly blessed me with amazing friends and fellow christians to walk life out with, and i am so grateful for you all.
hope you all have a wonderful 4th of july tomorrow!! happy independence day. :)
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